Leave and Live

Once again, another Guest Post, this time by SaNa.

Remember those times when everyone were your friend and everyone were good because you thought what's the worst that could happen. Days when you wondered if you're in love with that cute guy you smile at and who smiles back at you every time your eyes meet.

Days when you wouldn't get any sleep because your best friend behaved differently that particular evening. Days you cried yourself to bed, tossing, turning and making as less noise as possible because you didn't want your parents to know that there were nobody for you or you were such a loser - of battles and people.

Days when you've had to pretend to laugh out loud for something that someone said but inside, it was pricking you like a cactus just rolled over your heart.

If you had survived past these days, don't you realise by now that the people you hate and avoid today were the people you loved dearly a few days ago? Can't you see strangers becoming best friends and again becoming strangers but only now with the knowledge of all your secrets however cute or dark that maybe?

The same ones that once brought smile and lit up your face for nothing bring tears or annoyance now. Don't they?

Memories once made and promises to make a 1000 more just stay as another unwanted memory.

Things you did, things you thought you'll do, songs that you heard, movies that you watched, foods that you ate and travelled for, the restaurants that you hunted, the ones you planned to hunt and that one place you really wanted to go and kept on talking about it every time but for some reason you both kept putting it off, everything haunts you.

All these things come with a tag now, bearing the name of that person who seems to have left behind so much. It was fine till this happened again and again with more people going away or being pushed away for some reason. It was fine till it changed you and your innocence in trusting people again. You became solicited. You became what you never wanted to be. An adult. A precocious person that this calculative and cruel world demands. A person that the 'younger you' would have called pathetic.

And yet you lived through that. With pain, with smile, with tears, with humiliation, fears, bravery and determination. We came into this world like everyone else did.

With a world full of people to live with, and heart full of memories leave with. So yeah. It's ok. We're human (at least that's what we call ourselves).

We fail. We cheat. We betray. We promise. We break. We're broke. We heal. We love, and we live. It's a part of us like how crocodiles' jaw have 24 teeth that are meant to grasp and crush, but not chew and how they need to swallow stones that grind food inside their stomachs. Sounds like a privilege to have been born as a human doesn't it?

So let's not waste any more of this privileged miserable life in thinking what could have been and instead live with what it is and what all could it be.

~ SaNa